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Thursday, April 19, 2007

DRAFT HIGHER GRADE MODERN MATHEMATICS PAPER 2007 HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

SCOTTISH MODERN MATHEMATICS PAPER 2007
DRAFT HIGHER GRADE MODERN MATHEMATICS PAPER 2007 HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL


GLASGOW REGION

Name...........................................

Nickname......................................

Gangname....................................

1. Shuggie has bought half a kilo of cocaine to sell. He wants
to make 300% on the deal and still pay Mad Malky his 10%
protection money. How much must he charge for a gram?
pro
2. Wee Davie reckons he'll get £42.50 extra Marriage Allowance
a week if he ties the knot with Fat Alice. Even if he steals the
ring, the wedding will cost him £587. And he'll have to start buying two
fish suppers at £3.95 each every night instead of one. How long will
it be before Davie wishes he'd stayed single?

3. When Rangers play Celtic, their fans sing The Sash every 10
minutes when they're winning and every 15 minutes when they're
losing.
How many times di d they sing it at last season's Cup Final?

4. Joey and Davie stole a 1999 green Toyota 1600GL with 35,000
on the clock - and got a grand for it. How much more would they
have got if it had been metallic silver, done 29,000 miles and had low
profile tyres?

5. Jake the Flake and Fingers got grassed up for dealing speed.
The Flake got 18 months but Fingers got 3 years. How many more
previous convictions did Fingers have?

EXTRA CREDIT: Who was Fingers' Brief?


EDINBURGH / BORDERS REGION

Name..........................................

Rugby Club..................................

Daddy's Company.........................

1. Gavin has a spare ticket for Julian Clary at The Festival
Fringe. But Benji and Adrian BOTH want to go with him. How long
does he cry before giving them the tickets?

2. Half of Peter's friends say that they went to school with
Ewan McGregor. Another third say they were Gordon Brown's flat
mate at University. A sixth say that their dad played rugby with Tony
Blair's dad and the rest say Sean Connery was their milkman. Only one is
telling the truth, so how many friends does Peter have?

3. Todd wants to be a lawyer, but is as thick as Edinburgh
Castle. His daddy is a Freemason and a QC. How long before Todd
becomes the Lord Advocate?

4. Tamsin's Personal Trainer charges £250 a week, but has sex
with her whenever she wants it. Jasmin's Life Coach charges £50 a week
but has refused all sexual advances. Which one of the women
weighs 19 stone?

5. Princes Street is 2467 yards long. On average, there is
someone begging for money every 195 yards. You walk at 3.1 miles
an hour. How long will it take if you tell them all to sod off and
work for a living?

HIGHLANDS REGION

Name..................................

Glen....................................

Clan ................................

1. After Hector's death, Archie has to pay Death Duty on
Glenbogle. With 25,000 acres, Archie must pay £1.76 for the
first 15,000acres and 90p per acre for the remainder, including VAT. How
How many people actually give a toss?

2. An Afro-American called Zachary Obisanjo Kokobobo asks a
Tartan Shop in Inverness if he has any Scottish Geneaology. How
long does it take to flog him full Highland dress and matching kilts
for his wife and 10 kids?

3. If an Aberdeen supporter laid every sheep in Grampian Region
end to end, how many people would be surprised?

4. If you caught a Loch Ness Monster 115 feet long and each
foot weighed 27lbs, how much money would you make by selling your
exclusive story and pictures?

Sorry, question 5 has been delayed by heavy snowfall and will
be here as soon as the Cockbridge - Tomintoul road re-opens in the
spring!

2 comments:

Lord Nazh said...

While I don't have alot of expertise in English humor, this was very funny :)

JayBee said...

Like this!!

Lord Nazh

One thng you need to learn. Scotland is Scotland. England is England. This was Scottish humour.

In your comment on my blog you used "England" when you should have used "Britain". I let you off then but not now.

Therefore, you have failed your geography exam. You must do better.

Cheers and thanks for your comments on my blog.

Calum

PS I'm Scottish in case you hadn't guessed.